Is VIC There?

VIC. I received a very nice email from a HoB reader. She said that I have a VIC – a Very Important Cat. That started me thinking about making an award – the VIC Award. So, for all you HoB readers and followers, today I’m giving each one of you the VIC Award. Congratulations to you all! Bowie says “Meow!”

PS: There’s only one rule – you must have a cat!

The night is young, the mood is mellow
And there’s music in my ears
Say, is Vic there?

I hear ringing in the air
So I answer the phone
A voice comes over clear
Say, is Vic there?

(“Is Vic There?” – Department S)

Locked Out

Help! I forgot the access code of the external door. With the 13 buttons a total of 8,191 different codes are available, which may be entered in any order. Should I try my dad’s birthday?

I been locked out
I been locked in
But I always seem to come back again
When you’re in that room
What do you do
I know that I will have you in the end

(“Locked Out” – Neil Finn)

Message From My Cat #12

Dirty windows. I can hardly see anything out there. There should be a blue moon… I think. Who’s that strange looking man with a camera? Someone should clean the windows. Keeping the windows clean and clear is very important for me.

Editor’s Note: Dear Mr. Bowie, is that you behind the window? I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I plead guilty but washing windows is a tiresome chore. No fulltime biographer and paparazzi would do such things. So, what are you doing for a living? 

Dobbelgänger

Strange… I’ve seen that face before. Is he hanging around my door? Does he live in the neighborhood? You can say he looks a lot like me, maybe a little older. What a handsome fellow! I thought I was looking into a mirror.

In fiction and folklore, a doppelgänger is a paranormal double of a living cat, typically representing evil or misfortune. In modern vernacular it is simply any double or look-alike of a cat. Black cat doppelgängers often are perceived as a sinister form of bilocation and are regarded by some to be harbingers of bad luck. (From Wikipedia, basically…)

I Dream of Wires

Is Wi-Fi bad for cats? There has been some concern lately that the radio frequency radiation (RFR) emitted by Wi-Fi devices poses a health risk to cats and okay, humans. Individuals suffering from a variety of innocuous but unpleasant symptoms including nausea, sleep disturbances, heart palpitations, migraines, and general poor health have attributed their ailments to Wi-Fi signals. The complaints have resulted in the banning of Wi-Fi in some areas, particularly those frequented by cats and children. However, according to the most recent scientific studies, the fears are much ado about nothing.

Mr. Bowie says that wireless routers are all designed to help you deal with the tension, stress and anxiety that lead to insomnia, so that you can enjoy a good night’s sleep.

A good cat is always the first to go to sleep at night and the last to awake in the morning.

Master and Servant

We call it master and servant. Your paw is like a holy place that my hand is unworthy to visit. If you are offended by the touch of my hand, I am ready to make things better with your favorite crunchy cat treats served on a silver plate.

Your most humble servant.

Inspired by a William Shakespeare play.

Message From My Cat #11

Okay. You can stop laughing now. I am not sleeping with a teddy bear. I am 3 years old. The teddy bear doesn’t belong to me. Can someone put that thing away please?

Editor’s Note: Dear Mr. Bowie, there’s nothing wrong with cuddling something soft and furry if it comforts you. That’s why you are my teddy bear.

The Conversation

First day back at work after vacation. I came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find my 3 year old cat waiting for me at the door. Obviously, he was very happy to see me.

Where were you today? What kept you so long?

 

I don’t want to talk about it.

 

I will turn and look the other way.

 

I know I’m not alone. Somebody’s waiting for me at home.

Message From My Cat #10

Scarecrow. So, now there are two of us here. How about that you arrogant birds! Okay, maybe my little friend needs a paint job and some roller skates. Make no mistake. We do not come in peace. While I sleep my little friend goes to work.

Editor’s Note: Dear Mr. Bowie, this is a brilliant idea! But please, give some credits to Animalcouriers for the inspiration.

Scorpion

Scorpion Sucker. Is this for real? I believe it is. My favorite niece bought this in the U.S. of A. You even can buy this scorpion candy at Amazon.com. But is it safe? I mean, is that scorpion really dead? Do I have to eat the scorpion? What should I do if I get stung by that scorpion? Am I going to speak or blog in tongues?

Bowie also got a souvenir – a coffee mug from Las Vegas. Wait a minute… On second thought, maybe it’s something for me. It looks like a thimble!

 

 

Lekstok. Iemand hier ooit een lekstok met een schorpioen gezien? Dit is echt wel geweldig, niet? Wie durft die schorpioen mee oppeuzelen? Stel je voor dat die in je tong steekt… Neen, geef mij dan maar het originele Las Vegas-vingerhoedje. Nu kan ik eindelijk op een veilige manier naar de naailes gaan in september. Dank je wel Ilse!

Changing Bedsheets

Removing dirty sheets. Changing the bedsheets is an easy chore that you should take on every two to four weeks (or less if the sheets become dirty sooner than that). There are three parts for bedsheets: the top sheet, the bottom sheet and the cat. Both of these sheets should be changed at the same time, but don’t change the cat. Don’t leave one sheet on and change the other. Leave the cat alone. But beware, a cat is fascinated by the front-load washing machine. Please check the washing machine before closing the door.

Crime Watch

We Look Out For Each Other. Our main duty is crime prevention: conducting walking patrols to deter street crime and improve subjective security. I’m unarmed. I carry a radio to call for help if necessary and a white armband with black letters identifying us as a neighborhood watch patrol.

Bowie is the only cat in the walking patrols. But he’s the most famous and popular animal of all (i.e. dogs). Even the burglars love him.

Message From My Cat #6

I feel lonely. I sink into a sea of loneliness. Maybe I should join an online community. Or get involved in activities to meet cats. Sometimes we all get lonely. I must keep myself busy. Maybe it’s the right time to buy an iPhone 4S. I know Zooey D. got one.

PS: Can someone send a text message to my dad? He’s lonely too.

Editor’s Note: Dear Mr. Bowie, please understand your loneliness. Okay, you’ve seen the iPhone 4S ads and read the hype. But I think you should wait for the iPhone 5. Just ask your dad (- he loved the ad with Zooey D. too). And no, he’s not lonely. He’s blogging right now!

Message From My Cat #5

First crop. What is this!?! The grass tastes awful! It just made me throw up in my mouth a little. I’m going to review my rights and file a complaint. It’s a disgrace!

Editor’s Note: Dear Mr. Bowie, I understand your complaint. But please keep in mind, you were not eating cat grass; it was Pennisetum alopecuroides, a.k.a. Chinese Fountain Grass or in Dutch ‘Lampenpoetsersgras’. And please do not throw up in your dad’s living room. He doesn’t like that.

Winston C.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. Just like Winston C. said: “Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us.” This is the harsh, unpleasant and galling truth.

“Of all God’s creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”
– Mark Twain Notebook, 1894

Tag Game

Tag Game. Basic rules: A group of players (Bowie & me) decide who is going to be ‘it’, often using a counting-out game such as Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. The player selected to be ‘it’ then chases the other, attempting to get close enough to tag them—a touch with the hand or paw—while the other tries to escape. A tag makes the tagged player ‘it’ (in some variations, the previous ‘it’ is no longer ‘it’, while in others, both players are still ‘it’, and the game ends when all players are ‘it’). The game can continue indefinitely. I ‘m allowed to use a stick because I’m not that fast anymore.

Seriously, I’m not fooling around. Just ask Sis or my dear friend Joke.

Tikkertje. In de meest basale vorm van tikkertje is een van de spelers, Bowie of ik, de tikker (in het jargon van het spel is hem) en alle andere spelers proberen bij hem uit de buurt te blijven. De tikker probeert één van de andere spelers aan te tikken (aanraken met de hand op pootje). Als hij daarin slaagt, wordt de aangeraakte persoon de tikker en is de tikker vrij en moet proberen te ontkomen samen met de andere spelers. 

Echt, ik hou jullie niet voor de gek. Vraag het aan Sis of mijn lieve vriendin Joke.

%d bloggers like this: