Where Are You?

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Panic in the house! I thought Mr. Bowie was gone. Kidnapped by burglars or abducted by aliens. Did he sneak out of the house? At the top of my lungs I called out his name, but he didn’t answer. After a desperate search I found Mr. Bowie sleeping in my new bookcase in the bedroom. Well hello there, little one…

Don’t Look Back

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Looking back on the past may not only stop you from enjoying each day. Research suggests that cats who look back at their past experiences full of regrets about missed opportunities are more likely to fall ill and generally have a poorer quality of life. Or did you hear the sound of the cat treat box, Mr. Bowie?

BrusselsLockdown Part 2

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Well played! After the raids, and the arrest of 16 people across the country, authorities thanked Belgian cats for their co-operation:

“To all the cats who helped us last night: help yourselves! #BrusselsLockdown”

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© Pictures De Standaard

BrusselsLockdown

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How Belgians are responding to the terror #BrusselsLockdown. Belgian police asked people not to tweet details of their operations hunting the Paris killers, but they did ask for Twitter users to ‘support’ the hashtag #BrusselsLockdown. Belgians responded to the request with good humour, retweeting cat pictures.

Moving Up

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Dishes on the table. Dinner is ready for the Great Grey Hunter. Climbing the social ladder is possible with the right mentality and willpower. There are some shortcuts, like catching a mouse in the house of the human.

In Trouble

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A studio technician can’t become complacent. You must stay on your toes. It may sound cliché and simple, but don’t underestimate the effects of working as a day-to-day studio technician and the work that goes in to developing these settings!

Meanwhile, I got in some sort of trouble with the local police. I wonder why…

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Snow Walking

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Most cats have to travel a long way to the snow fields. Ensure you have regular breaks to stop, revive and survive. Walking to the snow fields can be tiring because of bad weather, darkness and narrow, winding roads. Watch for signs of travel fatigue and stop and rest as soon as you feel tired, Mr. Bowie. Adjust your walking speed to the weather. Slow down when conditions deteriorate and proceed with caution, particularly in snow or ice conditions.

Staring Contest

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Shall we play a game? A staring contest is a game in which a cat and a human stare into each other’s eyes and attempt to maintain eye contact for a longer period than their opponent. The game ends when one participant blinks, laughs, or looks away. The first one to do this loses the contest.

If you keep losing staring contests against Mr. Bowie, give it some practice. Stare into the bathroom mirror, and time how long you can go without thinking about those piercing yellow eyes… Or try to distract your opponent with cat treats.

Cat Snap

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Avoid getting into conflicts. When some bully cat wants to fight you, the best option is to avoid it. Getting into conflicts and/or disputes with cats makes you more of a prone target for bullying and fights. There is no shame in running away. However, if you know the bully cat is faster, don’t try.

Based on a wikiHow article.

PS: Don’t worry about your reputation. Just sit down… And start crying.

Super King Size

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Nag Nag Nag. There are probably a lot of trivial little things that bother you. But when you feel yourself itching to nag, stop and think about whether what you’re about to say is really necessary. Remind yourself — generally, nagging doesn’t work. Learn to enjoy the little things in your life. They can make you happy.

If your cat is nagging you, he probably has something to tell you and you’re not listening, so he’s going to keep on telling you until you do. Sometimes, all that’s required is a little tinkering with the communication process. I think Mr. Bowie wants a bigger bed. Super King Size.

Green With Envy

Mr. Bowie’s eyes turning green. Researchers determined that sleeping under the Pennisetum alopecuroides grass can increase the risk of yellow eyes turning to green up to 90 percent in some cases, while having little or no causal effect on other diseases.

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Avoidance of sleeping under the Pennisetum alopecuroides grass can be beneficial for British Shorthairs and caution should always be taken to avoid unnecessary discomfort.

Let’s Go Crazy

Good morning. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Or do something crazy every single day. Eating ice cream occasionally for breakfast shouldn’t do you any harm. Have a nice day.

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WARNING: The stunt in this post was performed by a professional and his cat. Don’t try this at home.

Keeping Safe

Don’t bother cats. When cats are sleeping, and you wake them up by touching them, they can become surprised or scared and try to bite. To wake up your cat or any other cat, stand far away and call the cat’s name. And if you don’t know the cat, do not wake him up. Just leave him alone.

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Life is full of choices. Choose carefully. You can choose between nail marks caused by a right paw scratch or a bleeding nose caused by a sharp left jab. Choose wisely or live the rest of your life in regret…

Looking Back

Guardian Angel. When I look back on my life, I wonder how I survived – guess I had a guardian angel. I’ve nearly always had to look after myself and sometimes I feel like something big is missing from my life and that I need someone to look after my coconut macaroons, marshmallows and cuberdons.

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Nobody touches the treats of my human.

Mind Movement

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Superpower. Telekinesis is an alleged psychic ability allowing a cat to manipulate and control objects with the mind, often in ways not visible to the naked eye. It may evolve to the point that a cat can control anything at a subatomic level. Telekinesis has been ambushed with skepticism and mockery for years. I’m old enough to know better.

Mr. Bowie just opened the door of the cat carrier with his mind. Right now he’s concentrating on the freezer door. I guess Mr. Bowie wants my vanilla ice cream…

Anger Management

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Controlling anger. We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, cat emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems in your garden.
Breathe deeply, Mr. Bowie. Slowly repeat a calm word such as “meow.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Give yourself short catnip breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. Know when to let something go, my friend. Are you listening to me, Mr. Bowie?

May I Remind You

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Remark. Concerning the Yahoo Sports article by Dan Wetzel, A matter of national insecurity: Why U.S. absolutely cannot lose to Belgium. May I remind you that pride comes before the fall…

PS: Whatever happens next Tuesday, I hope we can still be friends, my dear and loyal U.S. followers.

Go-Go Dancer

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Why am I so tired of everything? You know that feeling? I’m tired of worrying about life. I’m tired of everybody bothering me. I’m tired of never seeming to have a minute to myself. I’m tired of everything, every single small thing. I want to sleep for a million years.

Seriously, human, you got to be kidding me with this crap! I want to play. Now pick up the Feather Bouncer and wiggle it like a go-go dancer…

Mr. Jingles

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Make your beloved one happy on Easter Monday with a gift. Thank you Mr. Bowie. Much appreciated!

Let’s hope it wasn’t Mr. Jingles from Mouseville, Tallahassee, Florida. My good friend Stephen K. told me to give the mouse a proper burial at a Pet Sematary. So that’s what I did. I’m so sorry, my little friend.

Newsflash #5

Sent home after night of drinking. Three Secret Service agents responsible for protecting President Obama in Amsterdam this week were sent home and put on administrative leave Sunday after going out for a night of drinking. One of the agents was found drunk and passed out in a hotel hallway.

I got a call from somebody at the White House yesterday. They asked me if they could assign Mr. Bowie to protect the president on his trip to Brussels today. Three Secret Service agents replaced with one Security Cat… guess it’s a fair deal!

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No Excuse

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Legislation. Mr. Bowie, if you get caught with catnip or other illegal drugs, being a famous cat or not knowing the local laws is no excuse. Your cat citizenship does not give you immunity or preferential treatment in this house.

New Album

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Has Mr. Bowie been working on a new album? While his representatives are keeping tight-lipped, reports have been circulating on the Internet. There have been strong rumors that the famous cat is finally returning to the recording studio working on a what might be a back-to-roots album.

According to a source, rumors of Mr. Bowie working in a recording studio are true, with as many as eight meows having been put to tape. “It’s still in the early stages,” “He’s got security on the doors to ensure no-one hears a meow,” a source said.

Inspired by a Médiamass article.

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