A New Routine

‘What if I fall? Oh but my darling: what if you fly?’ – Erin Hanson

Life goes on. I feel that I am ready picking up where we left off then. My Dad passed away about a month ago. We had an intimate ceremony with only 15 people, due to the Covid-19 measures. But I received a lot of messages, phone calls, postcards of people paying respect to my Dad. He was loved by so many people… I still feel an emptiness in my life without him. And pain. Sorrow… But life goes on as normal, but quieter and greyer than usual.

I want to thank you with all my heart. All your heartwarming comments made me feel better and helped me get through these empty and sad days. I sincerely apologise for not replying to your comments. I guess I also missed some of your posts on your blogs. But I will try to catch up…

Jimi helped me to get through the dark days of January. Every day he took a few minutes to sit down by the photograph of my Dad. It made me feel good. But one day, Jimi was very disappointed because there were only vegetables and no shrimps (for him) on my sandwich.

There were also some good days last month. After waiting for 3 months, finally, a big box arrived from the U.S. of A. containing a Sequential Prophet-5 synthesizer. Just like I mentioned in an older post about the ARP 2600 synth, the Prophet-5 synth was also very high on my bucket list and I didn’t expect to get one. Sequential introduced new versions of the old model in 2020. The Prophet-5 is an analog synthesizer designed in 1978 by Dave Smith and John Bowen and was the first fully programmable polyphonic synthesizer.

So yes, life goes on, it’s a cliché and it sounds trite. I will find a new routine and get used to it. But it will take some time. Please stay safe and healthy.

Enjoy this beautiful day, my friends, wherever you are. Peace, love and understanding.

‘Count your blessings. And if life is difficult, count them louder.’ – Roger Scruton

85 responses

  1. I personally didn’t need you to acknowledge my condolences. From the number posted on that fated blog post, it was clear you’d have a major job responding to each one when there was so much on you mind. Welcome back, though, and give Jimi a nice “scritching” and a “What a good kitty” from Andy the Persian kitty boy and me for helping you deal with your loss. I’d give him a nice treat as well.

    • Hi Doug. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I still have to take care about a lot of paper work concerning some legal issues…
      Jimi sends his regards to you and Andy and is now waiting for some treats…

      • Yes, I understand the papers business very well, having taken care of these matters myself for both parents after they died. The affairs of my mother took me a whole year since she died after my father, whose affairs largely passed on to Mom. The help of a friend on the insurance matters (he was their insurance man!) spared me lots of grief since my father bought several policies that were handled by different people in different offices all over the US, not the office in town where he bought them!

        • I fully understand you. I had to call a few friends to help me out with all the technical and legal terms and the official papers… I already received a lot of forms to fill in 3 days after my dad passed away… So painful and stressful!

          • Yes. Same here. I tried to notify the Department of Health and Human Resources that my mother’d died so they would stop paying for her care center bill. I didn’t realize they got notification from another government agency, but not before they told me after I waited on hold on the telephone for just short of an hour, then had to go through the menu of “If this, then punch nr. x”, etc. An hour and 10 minutes later I finally got a human. Of course, by then, I was so pissed I wasn’t very pleasant till the woman said her own mother had died a month earlier, and she’d gone through a similar ordeal with an insurance company, that she understood why I was upset. Then she told me they would get the notification from the other agency, but thanked me for trying to help. Gad! I apologized and had a nice conversation with her about other issues I was having about my mother’s death. She turned out to be very helpful and decent. Best wishes, Herman, for a minimum of additional difficulties as you work through these times! I know that the day one year and three months after Mom died when I realized I finally was done, I sat down and bawled my head off. It was the first time I found to grieve.

            • I had the same experience, well kinda… I had to press a lot of nr.’s and had to wait just over 20 minutes. I was very upset but the woman on the other side told me she lost her husband recently and knew what I was going through. I immediately apologised to her for raising my voice.
              Last days I was able to get a few things in order but I still got to do a lot of paperwork…
              Please stay safe and healthy, my friend!

              • Don’t let this trial get you down. I lost a lot of ground, healthwise, caring for my elderly parents by letting little and large details always grown larger than necessary. I lost sleep, I worried about doing things in the wrong order or not at all, I upset my lawyer by doing exactly what he wrote down (thankfully) for me to do but it turned out a document I signed well before my parents went into decline saved my legally exposed butt… Whew!

                • I know in the end everything will get in order. Maybe it’s hard to believe right now but I’ll get through this period.

  2. Herman my Dad has been gone for over a year and I still find myself wanting to call him on Sunday afternoons as I used to. I think we were lucky to have them as long as we did. As Doug said there is a lot to do after someone passes but it is obvious Jimi knew best how to help you through this time. What an intuitive and comforting cat!

    • Hi Angela. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I realise that I was very lucky to have my Dad so long by my side. But I miss our moments together, having lunch and dinner, watching football on tv… It’s going to take a long time to get used to it, doing things on my own now.

      • That’s the downside of having them so long, the attachment grows deeper. I miss my Dad most when I have a question about work on my house. He knew so much and now I too am doing things on my own.

        • I know exactly what you mean. I’m still missing my big brother who always helped me with all kind of problems I was going through. Thank goodness we can cherish the beautiful and warm memories in our hearts.

  3. It’s nice to hear from you Herman…..I love the fact Jimi is honoring your Dad like he is – cats are incredibly sensitive to our feelings and other “vibes” – I love that about them. I know your Dad looked forward to your time together just as you did and it is hard to fill that void but they would of course want us to. It’s just very different and one of the biggest adjustments EVER. You and Jimi take care of yourselves – we’ve missed you but know how much there is going on after a loss. Just know that all of us are thinking of you!

    Hugs, Pam and Teddy too

    • Hi Pam. Thank you so much for your kind comment, my dear friend! I will be posting some more stuff soon, just getting myself together again. It was a hard and painful month. It will take some time to get used to this new situation but Jimi’s helping me to get through this difficult times.
      Thank you very much for your concern! Jimi sends his regards!

  4. I’m so happy to hear things are getting back to some sense of normal. The photo with Jimi by the portrait of your dad is amazing. Cool you got your Sequential Prophet-5 synthesizer. You can only get good vibrations from it.

    • Hi Tim. Thank you so much for your kind comment! It was very weird and strange; seeing Jimi sit near the photograph of my Dad each day. Cats seems to feel that there’s something emotionally wrong with their humans…
      I wanted to buy a Prophet-5 for years but never could find one or afford one. So happy I finally got this beautiful synth in my studio.

  5. Herman it’s good that you’re keeping busy and finding ways to go on and find new routines. What, no shrimp for Jimi? We’re having a huge snow storm and MaChatte is enjoying the birds and squirrels having a feeding frenzy out back. Stay warm and safe and enjoy your new equipment, and Jimi gets the nice new box.

    • Thank you so much for your kind comment, my dear friend! Thank goodness we had shrimps on the menu last Friday… Jimi was very happy again!
      We had some light snow fall a couple days ago but no real cold winter so far. I’m counting the days to spring…
      Stay safe and healthy! Thanks for the tweet!

      • Sounds like shrimp need to get to be a regular thing for Jimi. We have 15″ of snow. We expect winter and snow here but it’s nice when the snow comes in smaller amounts. I hope your winter stays mild and spring comes early! Be well and safe. Staples at your house are now: chocolate, coffee and shrimp, lol.

        • Haha… yes, I need to buy more shrimps from now on I guess. Thank goodness I like shrimps too! Although chocolate is still my number one… 😉
          There should be light snowfall next week overhere, but only a few cm. It makes me look more forward to spring and summer days outside in the garden…

          • Yessss, summer and days in the garden. I think of that often, as I’m looking out at the garden covered with snow. Chocolate your number one, and shrimp a close second, you have good food choices and so does Jimi! Stay well dear friend and look forward to spring while you make your music.

  6. Yes, life goes on but differently. My mother died over 30 years ago and still there are times when something will happen and I say to myself “I need to call Ma”. Over time those moments become sweet sorrows.
    Jimi is a great friend! He knows you need his help. Cats are very good at sensing what their people are feeling.

    • Hi Patricia. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I know what you mean, I’m still having moments a want to say something to my brother and sister although they already passed away too.
      But I’m very happy to have Jimi by my side in these difficult and hard times.

    • Hi Ronn. Thank you so much for your kind comment and wishes! Glad you liked the photographs.
      I wanted to buy a Prophet-5 for decades and I finally got one. So happy with this synth!

  7. My husband died two years ago in January. The gloomy weather was additionally depressing. I can’t imagine piling a quarantine on top. For the first month, I sat on the sofa with one cat on either side. It sounds like you’ve discovered that cats make great emotional support animals too. Take care of yourself. We each grieve at our own pace

    • Thank you so much for your concern and kind comment, my friend! I’m glad the days are getting longer and we’re heading to spring. These dark days are so hard to get through. But like you said, we each grieve at our own pace.
      So sorry to read your husband passed away.

    • Hi Polly. Thank you so much for your heartwarming comment and support!
      Glad you liked this post. Jimi sends his regards!

  8. No worries about answering comments at a difficult time, everyone understands. That is a very moving picture of Jimi by your Dad’s picture. Cats are so intuitive and so loving, much more than many realize. I’m glad you are moving on into other routines but I know it is rough going. May you find peace and comfort.

    • Hi Leah. Thank you so much for your kind comment and concern! I’m still having a hard time but I also see a little light shining at the end of the tunnel. I know things will get better.
      Cats seems to feel if there’s something wrong with you, especially emotionally. I was glad to have Jimi by my side.

  9. It really does take a long time to feel the happy things again, or at least I found that to be true after my own dad passed away. But they’re there, waiting for a break in the clouds. But, you know, our dads would be happy to see us happy, so I always think, ‘what would make dad happiest today’. Then life got easier. There’s still tears, even today as I write you. But that’s ok. xK Arms around you, loved all the photos Herman.

    • Hi Kelly. Thank you so much for your heartwarming comment and concern, my dear friend! I know things will finally get better after a while. After my brother and sister passed away, it took me months to get back on my feet again. And all the beautiful memories give me comfort.
      Glad you liked the photographs and post, Kelly! Jimi sends his regards!

  10. Herman, I am glad Jimi is there to help you through these sad times. You are right, life does go on, we go on with our memories. Those are beautiful photos of Jimi, and you have another piece of equipment for musical expression! As Kelly said, ‘Arms around you’. You are in our thoughts and prayers. 💙🌈

    • Hi Lavinia. Thank you so much for your heartwarming comment and concern! I’m still having a lot of bad days but I also realise things will eventually get better. Looking forward to warmer spring (and summer) days outside in the garden.
      Glad you liked the photographs. I’m also finding a little comfort in discovering the new synth. Jimi keeps me company while I’m in the studio, such a sweet boy…

    • Hi M.B. Thank you so much for your kind comment and support! I’m glad to have Jimi by my side. He even answers me when I’m talking to him… 😉

    • So true! I was so glad and happy to have Jimi by my side in these hard times.
      Thank you so much for your kind comment!

  11. Herman, just an hour before I saw your post, I had been thinking of you and wanting to check on you and than all of a sudden I saw your post, wow magic connection there. How lovely the picture of your dad and Jimi in front of him. As you know , cats are very sensitive to our feelings they know when we are sad. Well my thoughts were with you, as the grieving takes some time which is so natural. Wish you and Jimi well, all the good memories with your dad will remain and keep him close to your heart. Moshu and I send you paw hugs.

    • Hi Cornelia. I guess our brain waves were connected via the internet… 😉
      Thank you so much for your kind and heartwarming comment, my dear friend! I’m still having some bad days but I know things will eventually get better. I need time to find my way, and find a new routine.
      Glad you liked the photographs! I’m very happy Jimi was always by my side to help me get through the day. He’s such a sweet boy…
      Jimi sends his regards to Moshu! Wishing you a wonderful week!

    • It will take some time but I know things will get better eventually. We will get through this hard and difficult times…
      Thank you so much for your kind comment!

    • So true! We would be completely lost without them. I’m so glad Jimi was by my side all the time…
      Thank you so much for your kind comment, my friend!

  12. We know Jimi really gave you what he had to help you through that time and will continue doing so. And, yes, even on days without shrimp. That is such a cool Musical Tool! Dad always wished he has that talent. Sister played 7 instruments and he worked with metal

    • I was very glad to have Jimi by my side in these hard times. A few days ago we had fresh shrimps on the menu and Jimi loved it…
      Thank you so much for your kind comment! Stay healthy and safe, my friends!

  13. Hello dear Herman and Jimi, so wonderful to see your post and know how you are. Jimi is sweet to honor your Dad as he has… congratulations also on your new equipment! Some light for dark days, I hope. Many hugs from us, Christine and Bagheera

    • Hi Christine. Thank you so much for your kind and heartwarming comment, my dear friend! I hope to get some more posts and photographs back on this blog. Right now I’m getting used to a new routine, a lot of things have changed…
      Thanks for your tweet. Much appreciated! Jimi sends his regards to Bagheera!
      Stay healthy and safe.

    • Hi Micheline. Thank you so much for your kind and heartwarming words! Feels good to be back and posting on the blog again.
      Stay safe and healthy, my friend!

  14. I’m glad you are feeling a bit better, Herman, and I hope that as time passes, there is more healing. I know you are no stranger to the grief of losing beloved family members and you will know just how long it takes to feel completely normal. I have only really recently bounced back from losing my dear Mum just over a year ago and I know I am always going to miss her. But between your new synthesiser and Jimi, I hope February is a less difficult month for you. 💜

    • So sorry to read about the passing of your Mum. You are so right, losing beloved family members is very hard and painful. It takes a long time to feel better again and go on with your life. But you never fully recover from the grief and pain.
      I’m glad I can cherish a lot of beautiful memories and they help me to find some comfort.
      Thank you so much for your kind comment and concern, my friend!
      Please stay safe and healthy!

  15. Sometimes I think that is the saddest thing about death . . . . life does go on. Sometimes it seems it should because your loved one is dead, but . . . it doesn’t stop. It’s hard. Another cliché that is true, “there are good days and there are bad days.” Sending you hugs to help you through the bad days and to make the good days better. Hugs are awesome! Nice you got another thing on your list!

    • Thank you so much for your kind and heartwarming words, my friend! It’s also so hard when people who are very close to you doesn’t seem to realise that you’re still going through a very painful period.
      Thank goodness we’re heading to spring and summer. These dark winter days makes everything harder…

      Please stay safe and healthy!

      • I believe it is ok to remind them. We all get caught up in our own lives and sometimes it is helpful when people remind us of what is going on. And I am sorry about the snow (I saw your latest post).

        • Haha… yes, I hate snow a lot but Jimi seems to enjoy his first walk in the snow. I prefer to stay inside and have an espresso.
          I’m having good days and bad days, but I know things will get better in the end.

  16. Herman, it’s so good that you have Jimi to keep you company and help chase the dark corners away. I lost a very dear friend last year and I still think about giving him a call when I see or hear something neat. I know you miss your dad so much, but it’s awesome that he was loved by so many. Of course you are also loved by many because your kindness and thoughtfulness shines through in your blog. I hope that the sun will soon start shining even brighter for you.
    Virtual Hugs……..Pam, Hemingway and Steinbeck

    • Hi Pam. Thank you so much for your kind and heartwarming comment! I know things will get better soon and I’m finding comfort in all the support around me. Looking forward to warmer and sunny days in spring…
      Please stay safe and healthy, my dear friends! Jimi sends his regards!

    • Hi Julie. Thank you so much for your kind and heartwarming words! I’m feeling a bit better right now and I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel… The last months were very hard to get through.
      Glad you liked the post and photographs. Please stay safe and healthy!

  17. Oh Herman, what a sweet photograph of both your dad’s portrait and your faithful friend. He cares of you, shrimp or not.
    Some voids never fill, and it is OK too. I don’t think of my dad often, he died 35 years ago, but when I do think of him it is a fresh pain.
    Delighted you finally got the vintage synthesizer! Looks solid, a great addition to your studio.

    Life is going on, indeed, on both sides of the veil. Stay safe, take a good care of yourself ❤

    • Hi Inese. I’m feeling better, every day a little bit and I know everything will be alright in the future. I just need to take it easy and don’t rush things.
      I’m very happy with the latest vintage synth I could buy. I got every synth I ever dreamed of finally in my studio.

      Please stay safe, healthy and warm, my dear friend! Jimi sends his regards!

  18. Hi Herman, it’s good to know you are slowly feeling better and I am sure that will continue with Jimi there to keep you company and give some emotional support as well. A close bond with our pets is a wonderful thing.

    • Hi Jill. I’m still having some bad days occasionally, but I got a feeling things will be alright and better soon. I’m glad to have Jimi by my side in these difficult times. He’s a very good companion, that sweet little boy.
      Thank you so much for your kind comment and support, my friend! Please stay safe and healthy!

    • Hi Mary. I bought shrimps yesterday for me and my little grey furry friend. We both enjoyed our meal! Mr. Bowie liked my veggie sandwiches but Jimi, well, that’s a different story I’m afraid.
      Wishing you a great Sunday, my friend! Jimi sends his regards to Mr. Gibbs!

  19. Pingback: A New Routine – Necenzurat

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